It was such a weird day. I felt like I had MY BABY IS DEAD! blazoned across my forehead, big and bold and red as a news ticker in Times Square. I was mildly surprised that people didn't take one look at me and run away. I didn't dare chat with my pregnant customers, for fear that instead of empty niceties I might blurt out, "I hope your baby doesn't die... But it might. Mine did. My baby boy died around this time last year." (Ugh. Can you imagine?!)
I volunteered to work an extra shift at work though, because it didn't seem to matter what I was doing -- sitting, standing, laying down; writing, talking, not-talking -- I still felt exactly the same. So I figured if I'm going to be miserable regardless, I may as well make some money at the same time, right? And so. I went to work this morning, came home for two hours, and then went back to work again. I earned a little overtime, and made it through another day.
Here's hoping tomorrow will be better.
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Thanks again: for reading, for hearing me, for understanding. And for the hugs. I felt them. I really did.
I also have those weird days, days that I surprised that people don't run away from me because it must be so obviously. My baby died.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and Noah over the coming weeks. I'm sorry he isn't here with you. x
I'm so sorry that you are going through such a rough time right now, but I understand the reason why. I'm hoping you find some relief soon from such sadness...
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA and thinking of you today. -hedwig
ReplyDeleteGood for you! You made it! Like you said to me...the only way to get out is to go through.
ReplyDeletelove ya!
More hugs to you - talk all that you need. I hope tomorrow is better and the day after is better than that. You can get through this month. Just breathe in and breathe out, that is all that is expected of you.
ReplyDelete