I am honestly shocked by how hard my grief is hitting me. His sister's anniversary this year was peaceful, if bitterweet, and I guess I thought it would be the same with Noah's. But it's not. Nearly a year has passed and I am suddenly as flattened as I was on the day that it happened. My whole body hurts, particularly my chest -- I feel as if someone has literally punched me in the heart. My extremeties are cold, despite the summer heat.
After a lifetime of treading water, or wading only in the shallows of my emotions, I am startled by the reality of their depth. I did not know it was even possible to feel this much.