February 25, 2010
We met lots of really nice, helpful people (with all kinds of accents), and took the skytrain everywhere. The Olympics people in their aqua jackets, scattered every few blocks all over the city, were super knowledgable and helpful too. And everything was amazingly clean.
We watched the hockey game on bigscreens at the Edgwater Casino, then hit the streets to celebrate the win with the crowds as they poured out of Canada Hockey Place. There were Olympic Athletes, ecstatic Canadians... and sad Russians.
I had a maple leaf on my face and a Canada toque on my head, and I got high-fives and hugs from strangers, and yelled alot, and was swept up into an impromptu rendition of the Canadian National Anthem. It felt good to be part of something big and noisy and happy.
I must have walked at least six miles all over Vancouver. I got home around midnight, exhausted but pleased. It was so worth it.
February 23, 2010
"But that is impossible," said Peter.
"Magic is always impossible," said the magician. "It begins with the impossible and ends with the impossible and is impossible in between. That is why it is magic."
Kate DiCamillo, The Magician's Elephant
February 21, 2010
And that really struck me, for some reason. The words seem to contain something profound, if I could only grasp it properly...
February 20, 2010
February 16, 2010
If you watch this at all, watch it in fullscreen, please.
Film by Alex Roman of The Third & The Seventh (discovered here.) "A FULL-CG animated piece that tries to illustrate architecture art across a photographic point of view where main subjects are already-built spaces. Sometimes in an abstract way. Sometimes surreal." If you don't understand, I'm afraid it can't be explained. But if you do... If you do, it's transcendent.
At the midpoint, (about 7 minutes in) it becomes about light and air in motion, and I almost cried it's so beautiful.
Words are powerful. One must be responsible about bringing them into this world.
February 14, 2010
February 13, 2010
Nevertheless! I deserve a life; and a good life at that. Mourning was required, but I need less and less of it now. Now I can go after a life that I want, and not just get by with breathing shallowly and trying to be invisible (but resenting being invisible too), and hoping that whatever bad thing happens today, it's not as bad as that other time.
Nothing in me deserved to be neglected, abused, assaulted, or bereft. It happened anyway. Other people's choices. But I can make my own choices, after the fact. Now, if I deserve anything, it's peace. It's joy. It's love.
February 12, 2010
I wrote more while I was away than I have since I got back! I feel so strange... Like I went underwater and the surface closed over me, and it's seamless now and there's no telling where I'll come up again, if at all. But anybody watching has lost interest, and drifted away. Maybe if I splash around a bit, they'll come back?
Whenever I am about to speak I think better of it before the words even come out, and my throat closes off to save me from embarrassment or misunderstanding. So I am silent and still -- on the outside. Which is misleading. I look exactly the same, but I am quite different now. I feel more peaceful, and I know I have a future to look forward to... which in its own way is scarier than thinking I had pretty much run out of things to be excited about. There are so many possibilities, again. And I have alot of work to do.
But I actually think I can do it. Which is new.
photography by elena kalis.
February 7, 2010
February 1, 2010
And I carry you in my heart.