all undone

I wrote more while I was away than I have since I got back! I feel so strange... Like I went underwater and the surface closed over me, and it's seamless now and there's no telling where I'll come up again, if at all. But anybody watching has lost interest, and drifted away. Maybe if I splash around a bit, they'll come back?


Whenever I am about to speak I think better of it before the words even come out, and my throat closes off to save me from embarrassment or misunderstanding. So I am silent and still -- on the outside. Which is misleading. I look exactly the same, but I am quite different now. I feel more peaceful, and I know I have a future to look forward to... which in its own way is scarier than thinking I had pretty much run out of things to be excited about. There are so many possibilities, again. And I have alot of work to do.


But I actually think I can do it. Which is new.



photography by elena kalis.