missing

As a mother, your worst fear is that harm will come to your child, or that they will die. Both of my children are gone; but in a way that sounds strange even to me, there is some small comfort in knowing that nothing else can happen to them. The worst is done, and over.

So when I am sad, I am sad mostly for myself. There are so many things I would have liked to show them; so many songs to sing, so many stories to read. So many new foods to try, and cultures to explore; so many kind, lovely people to meet, all around the world. And I am missing out on sticky kisses, too, and a warm little hand slipped into mine, the rise and fall of a round tummy on the blanket beside me, under a shady tree, and the daily trills and shouts and whispers of "I love you, Mommy."

I love you, baby, and I'm thinking of you...
I would have liked the chance to show you what is Good in this place.