Day 25 - your day, in great detail
I wake up to sunlight streaming in my windows. A welcome sight, after three days of grey and rain. I stayed up too late, and neglected to remove my makeup, so my eyes are burning. I rub at them, even though it gives me twinges of guilt every time, knowing I am damaging the fragile skin and causing myself who-knows-how-many future wrinkles. Sorry, skin!
Still not fully awake. Trying to shake off the night's lingering dreams. It is Monday. No work today, thank goodness.
I think I will have a few bites of plain yogurt, and a whole wheat English muffin with peanut butter for breakfast. Maybe some cocoa.
There is only chunky peanut butter in the cupboard, which I used to avoid because it would hurt my teeth. But I've had some dental work done, so now I can eat crunchy peanut butter again, and I decide that is reason enough for a moment or two of joy.
Turn on the computer. While waiting for it to wake up I notice, for the first time, that my tissue box has something written on it in French: de reves et d'inspirations. Something about inspiration? On a tissue box? Also, there are purple cartoon butterflies on it. (Not really my style, but I got it for $1 at Dollar Tree.)
Google translate. De reves et d'inspirations = Of dreams and inspiration. Good to know. Purple butterflies of dreams and inspiration? Sure. Why not, tissue box. Why not.
By the way, I added a splash of Toffee Nut creamer to my cocoa, and I think it is offically the best idea ever.
Login to Blogger. Type out a play-by-play of the morning so far. Try to decide if I should wait, and not publish until later tonight, or publish now and add to the post throughout the day.
Decide to publish now.
Facebook. (Meh.) Emails. (Only two new messages.) Election news. (Appalling!)
Try to put my feet up while I read; tip computer chair completely over instead. Ouch. Lie on floor for a moment, marveling at my own clumsiness, before getting up and righting the chair and sitting down again to tell you about what just happened.
Curl up like a cat in a puddle of sunshine on my unmade bed. My right shoulder hurts from my fall.
Wrapped in towels, I lie down again in the sunlight, watching its slow slide across the bed. I notice, absentmindedly, the tiny patch of hairs on my knee that I somehow miss every time I shave my legs. It is warm, and there are no urgent demands on my time, and I am content to float through this day and not think too deeply about anything.
Getting ready to go run a few errands.
Finally dressed and made up and ready to go.
Driving through town almost on autopilot, I find myself slipping into sad thoughts. I fear that I am broken, irreparably. On the outside I look "normal." But I do not know how to be like everybody else.
At the library. (Whenever I move, one of the first things I do is find out where the nearest library is, and apply for my library card.) I love the library.
Get a call from AT&T, because my bill is overdue. I don't answer; I will pay it on Friday.
Code Brew for lunch. Settle in to read for awhile on the red leather couch with a turkey sandwich and a Chai latte.
"One day a storm came and swept away everything that Emma had, and everything that Emma knew. When it had done all that, it swept away Emma too. It might have been a storm with black winds, with thunder and lightning and rising waves. It might have been a storm with terrible anger and policemen coming to the door, and strangers, hospitals, courtrooms, and nightmares. It might have been a storm with soldiers, and fire, and hiding in cellars listening to shooting overhead. There are different kinds of storms. But Emma faced the storm that swept over her, and found a way to save herself." --Kage Baker, The Hotel Under the Sand
Ready to head home.
Catching up on blogs. This makes me laugh.
Inspired by the internet to do some self-portraits.
Quickly un-inspired by actual results. I need a new camera. Badly.
Back on the computer, exploring youtube. This makes me cry.
I'm formulating a plan, to be divulged at a later date. (It's a nice plan, not a dastardly one. Don't worry.)
Tear myself away from the computer. Realize I'm hungry, but don't feel like making dinner yet. Go find an apple.
Watch the latest SNL on-demand in the living room.
Still don't feel like cooking. Scrounge some leftover meat and peas for dinner. Thank you, Auntie!
Set up sewing table. Oren Lavie & Joshua Radin Radio playing on Pandora, to soothe me into the nighttime.
A final update. I sewed for three hours straight. My back hurts now, but I am oh-so-nearly finished with one of the Christmas gifts I needed to make, so that's good. I am eating a big gob of chocolate birthday cake (plus a little yogurt, instead of ice cream). Then I will brush my teeth and go to bed, read for a little while, go to sleep. I hope the cake doesn't give me bad dreams. I hope instead I do not dream at all.
That was probably more detail than anyone ever wanted; but I had fun with it.