January 23, 2011

you're a bold kid

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I can feel myself taking up more space these days, and I like it. But when other people notice, it comes as a shock. I have this need to joke about it, especially when I get hit on by some random guy, because it makes me so damn nervous. I come back from a solo foray to the restroom or the grocery store, mention it in passing to whoever is around, and then shrug: Crazy, right? Heh heh...

I'm really just looking for someone else to shrug too, to agree that yeah, being hit on by a total stranger is kinda weird but still, it happens. No harm done. The wrinkles in my forehead are begging you for comfirmation. No harm done, right? I'm okay, and he's gonna forget about me in two seconds, right?

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I am positive the increased notice I've been garnering lately is because of this whole "confidence" thing I'm trying out. In the past, any time I was more bold or open in public I'd get attention right away -- and that would make me promptly clam back up. (Like New Year's Eve, Pammy! Omg, mortifying.)

Anyway, I don't want to do that any more. And I don't want to be afraid. I think I've said that a million times by now: I don't want to be afraid. So I'll be brave, instead. And I'll keep up with my experiment. And I'll make eye contact with strangers and fend off unwanted advances (with wit, I hope) and believe that yes, most guys will forget me in two seconds.

Because as it turns out, there are actually very, very few people in this world who want to hurt me. In fact, most of the people on the planet do not actively want to hurt me! Which is pretty awesome, don't you think? I feel so much safer, when I think of it like that. And it makes me happy, that I can feel safe.



*big points for you, if you know the title reference ;)

5 comments:

  1. I apologize for the blog link mix up but your blog AND the other WERE meant to get the award! I love you and your blog girl :)

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  2. Well-said. and yes, he should forget you. I like what you said...about very few people on earth wanting to hurt us. Very true. Hm...that's a very adult view, there, VK. good glasses to wear about that! <3 keep going. You're doing so fantastic. :)

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  3. @Jessica: Haha! Thanks Jess <3

    @Ang: Someone told me that, once, (about all those people not wanting to hurt us) and it has taken till now for it to sink in. But I feel like I get it suddenly, and I'm glad. Thanks for your suuport, as always. <3

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  4. LOL! Guys are so silly! And it IS weird, but they do it anyway.:P Keep being bold and brave. You will have enough moments throughout your life when you feel like crap...the times you can feel good are precious.

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