January 17, 2011

variations on a theme

I've been thinking lately about how the first event of my year seems to ultimately wind up being its thesis. Going to The Center last January was such a huge precedent for the rest of 2010. Last year was about separation, and also integration. It was about sorting things out, about turning the topsy-turvy world I'd always lived in right-side-up.

I was absolutely driven by the idea of distance. I wanted distance -- physical and chronological separation -- from the past and from the people who had done me harm. And I found that the farther I got from Them, the closer I got to my Self. And that was good.


2011 began, for me, in Australia; and I don't see how anything could really be a better prelude to a year of Potentially Unmatched Awesome than that. I hope that this will be a year of saying "Yes!" and of taking hold of whatever other priceless opportunities come my way, big or small. Of being less sensible, and more spontaneous. Of being bold. Of being free.

Of being.

When I was in Australia, I had this sudden realization that I was the person on Facebook who was getting to do something completely awesome and talk about it in my status updates. That I was having this experience, and it was happening right now. I have (and had) such a hard time being totally present, but there were times when I know I succeeded, and that is comforting. I can see my growth. But I want more. I want this to be the year when I come into my power -- and not quietly, either. For the first time in my life, I want to be noticed. (Which says a lot, actually, about how much safer I feel in my own skin these days.)

I have a good feeling about all this. I hope it doesn't fade. I hope that by the time Christmas comes around again, I am spending it with Pam and Gretchen and Jill and Jeff and the kids... and that I am positively crackling with vitality. Watch out, my dears!! It's gonna be awesome.

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