duress

Took my cousin to the doctor this afternoon. She's under 18, so her appointment was in pediatrics. I sat in a waiting room for over an hour as it became filled with more and more infants and toddlers and moms. At first it was okay, but soon I began to feel increasingly heavy. I looked around the room, and realized my good spirits of earlier were now crushed. I wasn't breathing well. I wanted to go to sleep right there, which is never a good sign. Then, I was so overwhelmed and disorientated that I actually answered the phone when my manager called me, and for some reason I agreed to go in to work later tonight. Ugh. Why do I do things like that? Every part of me was screaming, No! No! No! I don't want to! I'm supposed to have the day off! But what came out of my mouth, inexplicably, was: Okay. I'll be there.

Dammit. Dammit, dammit, damn. I am so mad at myself.