I wore my elephant necklace today. A woman said she liked it, and I got to tell her that it was in memory of my daughter. It is so great to say those words out loud: my daughter.
Because I have a daughter, you know.
I write about her, and I think about her all the time; but nobody wants to talk about her with me. I've probably only said her name out loud a handful of times. If she was still here, I'd have said it a million times by now. Ailis! Ailis, Ailis, Ailis, Ailis, Ailis. Lissie-doll. Baby A. Lissie-my-Lissie. Li Li.
I don't get to hold her, or brush her hair, or take her picture. I don't get to dance with her in the living room or sing with her in the car. I don't get to read her favorite books aloud, or watch her play.
I just wear this necklace with an elephant on it, a necklace I bought for myself, and hope that someone asks me why.