April 11, 2011

the end of my magical thinking

Oh, my dear, my darling girl. I realized last night that somewhere deep in the back of my mind, I've always kind of thought you might come back to me somehow; or I might wake up one day to find you'd never really left. But now suddenly I really understand that it's not true, that it will never be true -- and I can't think that anymore, even if I wanted to -- and it feels like I've lost you all over again.


  1. Before I lost my girl I was (unbeknownst even to myself) a great believer in signs and magic and the like. I thought that things that, in reality, had happened at random were symbols or had a deeper meaning although, if you'd asked me, I would have said that I was far too rational a person to believe any such bunkum.

    I suppose the fact is that we just don't know how this world works. Perhaps they do come back to us somehow? Or perhaps our brains just can't cope with the fact that they don't and have to think in this magical way to make things bearable?

    My comment is getting longer than your post, I think this is probably a breach of etiquette!

    Thinking of you and your little girl xo

  2. Catherine, I think you are lovely -- you can feel free to leave as long a comment as you want, any day.

    Thank you for your kind thoughts.