closure

The prosecuting attornies want to know how my father's crimes have affected me, and what I think should be done with him. They are giving me a say; and I imagine, for many crime victims, that is very empowering. But for me... I don't know. It's not something I wanted to do.

I told the detectives everything I could think of when I made my official report, and then I never wanted to talk to anyone else about it ever again. I don't want to think about him. I don't want to hear his name. I don't want to hear the charges. I don't want to remember what he did to me.

I don't want him to have any kind of power or presence in my life anymore. I want to forget as much as I possibly can. I want to have as normal a life as I possibly can. I don't. want. to talk. about it. any. more.

I finally wrote them a letter, but it was very brief -- because the truth is, what's done is done, and nothing anyone could do to him will make me feel better. They can decide for themselves what his punishment should be. And then it will be over, really over. I can only hope that no one ever mentions him to me again.

I think I'm going to do myself a favor, and just pretend that he is dead from now on. Let's have a quick funeral, shall we? Here's the eulogy: He was a disgusting man who will not be missed.

There. I feel a little better already.

Here is my final goodbye: Goodbye to my so-called father. Goodbye to hope. Goodbye to redemption. Goodbye to feeling unworthy. Goodbye to being unloved.

It is finished. Goodbye.