embarrassing anecdotes

I was not given to daydreams when I was young, the way many other girls are.
My circumstances simply did not allow for it. But these days I can actually afford to torture myself with nonsensical fantasies -- and I find that they are eating up my free time. Suffice to say: I have an enormous crush on someone who is not in a position to ask me out. *strangled noise of general frustration and disgust*

Oh, unrequited love! It's a jerk. (Haha, Jeff! Miss you.)

I'm having a really hard time meeting people around here, and, to put it nicely, my co-workers are not the kind of people I would spend time with voluntarily. So there's my old friends who don't live anywhere near here, my online friends who I know only vicariously... and this one cool guy that I know and like but can't have. Ugh.

Do you want to hear something embarrassing? Of course you do! So. Lately I have been coming up with reasons to go to the store where he works when I know he will be there. First I make sure I look super cute that day (duh) and then I show up and "shop" -- but really I am just hoping I will get to talk to him a little.

Honestly, I do not have anything better to do. And when I pull it off, I am happy for the rest of the day.

So it's not wasted time.

It's not.

Anyway. I just want him to notice me, in case anything changes. You know? In case we can go out, someday... and then get married... and have three or four kids and two dogs and an awesome house in Santa Monica with a pool. Or whatever.

DEAR GOD, I just want to be planning my wedding right now! Of course, there are a lot of things I want rightnowthisveryminutebecauseiamsosickofwaitingforgood thingstohappentomelikeeveryonesaystheywillbutsofartheyneverdo. Equally much, or maybe more, I want to be pregnant again, and I want to make it all the way through to that moment where I lay my cheek against the sweet perfect softness of my newborn's tiny head. Bliss.

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PS: It is less than two months till Ailis' unbirthday, and this time I do not feel in the least prepared.