I feel like I'm missing pieces of myself. Like I was shot in the chest as a child, and walked through life with a big hole blown through me, and nobody noticed. Nobody noticed! How could
no one ever notice? I guess all they saw were the bows in my hair.
I have pictures of myself and if i look closely, ever so closely at the baby girl, i see a haunted look that no one should ever see in the eyes of an 18 month old. :( When I gaze into my eyes now, on some days...increasing ever so slightly might i add...even if the sun is not out, they are twinkling. about time.
ReplyDeleteMy dear I remember the first time I met you at Nations Burgers the day I finally returned to my family after sooooo long. Do you remember? You did look sad then but who was I to judge. I probably looked pretty screwed up myself.
ReplyDeleteI had that haunted look myself in a few pics from my childhood. I and I only ever seemed to know it was there and why. I will probably die being the only one that knows why it was there. But it doesn't really matter any more. I have finally moved on and have my beautiful little boy to love and protect and all I pray for is that his life will be different.
You will never forget your past, but you can move forward into your future. I still have days when I think back and I wonder "Why?" but then I have to snap out of it and just keep trudging along. Sometimes it feels like trudging through muck and at other times it is much easier.
Just know that you have many people who love you and that you ARE worth loving.