friendly ghosts

Work is just that, isn't it, and taking more out of me than I ever knew it could. My words are scarce, even inside my own head, all echoes and whispers and fragments of things that almost are and then are not. What words I do have are saved for them, for my dearest, my friendly ghosts.

bits and pieces

There is nothing left, nothing
but a box and
another, smaller box
which
contain

bits and pieces
ribbons, lace
cards and letters

the teeniest, tiniest
things:

brown monkey shoes
stripey shirts
a hat
a blanket
a book
a dress

all that is left
of the two of you, and
who I hoped
you'd be.

the very last day

I am sitting in a living room. I am living. I am loved. And tomorrow we will have Christmas. (Christmas!) It doesn't matter the day. It will be Christmas here, tomorrow. It will be twinkly lights and yummy dinner and nutella and chocolate and torn paper and peppermints and squeals and pajamas and blankets and gingerbread and smiles. It will be presents made and bought and wrapped in secret and taped up tight with names all scrawled across the front in black sharpie. It will be hugs and squeezes and not letting go not even for a second because this is the last day, the very last day. The last day together. Our Christmas.

concise

My posts are often short. I cannot go on at length, for what is left to say? I cannot tell you of their darlingness, their splendidness. Their precious, precious hearts. I cannot tell you.

I cannot tell.

exist, cease, persist

This short article by Brian Greene was really interesting to me.

I think about death and dying a lot. That sounds morbid I guess, but I don't think I'm morbid. I have encountered something that changed me profoundly; I consider it often because I need to understand it as best I can, or risk running mad, shattered by my lack of... well. Shattered by my lack.

People rarely seem to want to talk about it, which makes me appreciate candid opinions and theories like this one all the more. It's only a way of thinking, of course; but what else do we have?

the playlist game

I can't remember where I got this from, but it seemed like a fun thing to do today. If you like, you can create your own post and join in below using Mr. Linky, or just share your playlist in the comments. Then in a week or so I'll choose someone at random to win a little present from me, including a mix CD of my most loved Christmas/Winter songs. :)


01 | Your Favorite
Volcano - Damien Rice

02 | Makes You Happy
Kill Your Heroes - AWOLNATION

03 | Makes You Sad
The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

04 | Reminds You of Someone
Safe & Sound - Matthew Mayfield

05 | Reminds You of Somewhere
Airplanes - B.o.B.

06 | Reminds You of a Certain Event
Running Up That Hill - Placebo

07 | You Can Dance To
Sing, Sing, Sing - Benny Goodman

08 | You Can Fall Asleep To
Song for Viola - Peter Bradley Adams

09 | From Your Favorite Band
Secrets - One Republic

10 | From Your Favorite Album
Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars

11 | Recently Discovered
Cameras - Matt & Kim

12 | An Unexpected Fave
How I Roll - Britney Spears

13 | Describes You
Everything's Just Wonderful - Lily Allen

14 | For When You’re Angry
Not Afraid - Eminem

15 | For When You’re Excited
Queen of the World - Ida Maria

16 | For When You’re Sad
Bring on the Wonder - Susan Enan

17 | To Be Played at Your Wedding
Lullaby - Dixie Chicks

18 | To Be Played at Your Funeral
How the Day Sounds - Greg Laswell

19 | Makes You Laugh
Hallows - Mandy Maynard

20 | Your Favorite at This Time Last Year
Maybe Next Year - Meiko


I hope you'll play! I have a wicked sore throat that kept me up into the night, and a muchness of things to get ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I could use some good new songs to get me through it!

my favorite part

Thanksgiving was always
nine miserable hours in the car
through the day and long into
the deep night
but then
waking up
alone
in a bed piled high
with clean quilts
behind a narrow door that locked
in a little room at the end
of the hall
where the air was warm
and never smelled of damp or rot

it smelled of turkey
which had been in the oven for hours already
and it smelled of forethought, which smells like love
and the sound of coffee percolating
marched purposefully down that hall
soft but persistent
a call to wake up, wake up
it's today
it's morning
and no one is drunk yet
and you are safe for now
and warm

wake up, enjoy it
while you can.

lullaby

I miss my baby.

I cried today. I haven't cried in awhile.
I miss him so much.

fierce medicine

This is the only book I read all month. It took me that long to get through it... and it was worth every minute. This woman is amazing; her writing is powerful and challenging and inspiring and I highly recommend this book to survivors of every age and shape and kind.