heavy

Something awful happened a few days ago in Isla Vista, CA and since Phil went to UCSB it strikes a chord with him I guess, so he's had this appalled and morbid fascination with the event and consequently I have heard way more about it than I ever would have wanted. Saturday night before I went to bed I was on Twitter and saw the dramatic outpouring of experiences being shared under #yesallwomen. It was powerful and I'm not sorry I read them but it made me feel sad and vulnerable and it was hard to go to sleep after that.

I mostly follow comedians; some of them got serious, others satirical. Here are some gems from my Twitter feed:

I don't want women to judge me by the same high standard I use to judge them. That wouldn't be fair at all.

— Mark Leggett ✂︎ ☹ (@markleggett) May 22, 2014

Women are still represented as a minority in politics, entertainment & business, even though we are over 1/2 of the population. #YesAllWomen

— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) May 24, 2014

"Can men really have it all? A family and a career?" Isn't a regular headline. #YesAllWomen

— TaylorAileenHarrison (@goldieharrison) May 25, 2014

"I have a boyfriend" is the easiest way to get a man to leave you alone. Because he respects another man more than you. #yesallwomen

— Rylah (@JBRylah) May 25, 2014

Because the friendzone is the fictional exile of the entitled. “Sexual partner” is not a woman’s default mode. #yesallwomen

— Harrison Mooney (@HarrisonMooney) May 25, 2014

we're trained to avoid stereotypical “abuser” types, but I was only abused by people who were supposed to love & protect me #YesAllWomen

— keply (@keplyq) May 25, 2014

Of all the things we're told to be scared of (Muslims, black men in hoodies) nothing terrifies quite like entitled white men #YesAllWomen

— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) May 26, 2014

"Hey will you wait and make sure I get into my apartment safely?" -Not men.

— Jhon Rules (@JhonRules) May 25, 2014

#YesAllWomen because I get asked about my relationship status and my diet before I get asked about my career at a family gathering.

— Rosenasty (@RoseNasty) May 25, 2014

Guy I went to high school with asked why I'm not married I was like I don't know why are u gettin drunk in a folding chair life is a mystery

— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) May 26, 2014

Observations: 1) When people get defensive, it's because it hits too close to home 2) How many men do you know that carry a rape whistle?

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 26, 2014

I think the reason this particular crime has had this kind of response was due in part to the disturbing videos the shooter put out beforehand, placing the blame squarely on his victims and describing what he was going to do to them because they didn't think he was as amazing as he did. But above and beyond that, more attention should be drawn to the fact that he purposefully distributed the videos to several people, all of whom who could have done something to stop him. And nothing was done. And people died. And this fucking asshole is getting publicity and even sympathy and it makes me want to scratch my own eyes out and punch a lot of people in the throat and I honestly don't even think I'm overreacting. (If you tell me that I am, you may be added to my throat-punch list.)

Anyway. I've been really agitated the last few days. I don't have the heart to link to the story or the youtube vidoes, but I'm sure they're not hard to find if you feel like you need to see them to understand what I'm talking about. I have more to say but I also have a baby to take care of, so. I guess that's it for now.

hush, hush, shhh

I think I will never have too much of the sound of the wind and the sea.
It reaches me in a way nothing else can.

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Not quite sure what's going to happen with S. It's not over yet, but it might be soon. I spent the weekend at the beach to distract myself from the fact that we decided to not speak for a few days, while we think things through.

It's been a really hard week. I don't know if we can bounce back or not. And I was right: it hurts. Even the not knowing hurts a lot. But this is what you open yourself up to, when you let yourself love someone.

I'm obsessing about it, even though I shouldn't. I can't help myself.

Or don't want to.

Either way.

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Hush, hush, says the ocean. Shhhh...

the very last day

I am sitting in a living room. I am living. I am loved. And tomorrow we will have Christmas. (Christmas!) It doesn't matter the day. It will be Christmas here, tomorrow. It will be twinkly lights and yummy dinner and nutella and chocolate and torn paper and peppermints and squeals and pajamas and blankets and gingerbread and smiles. It will be presents made and bought and wrapped in secret and taped up tight with names all scrawled across the front in black sharpie. It will be hugs and squeezes and not letting go not even for a second because this is the last day, the very last day. The last day together. Our Christmas.

a better world

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction. So when Jesus says “Love your enemies,” he is setting forth a profound and ultimately inescapable admonition. Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies– or else? The chain reaction of evil–hate begetting hate, wars producing wars–must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, The Strength to Love

I’m concerned about a better world. I’m concerned about justice; I’m concerned about brotherhood; I’m concerned about truth. And when one is concerned about that, he can never advocate violence. For through violence you may murder a murderer, but you can’t murder murder. Through violence you may murder a liar, but you can’t establish truth. Through violence you may murder a hater, but you can’t murder hate through violence. Darkness cannot put out darkness; only light can do that.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Where Do We Go From Here

earth day, every day

graphic design by Ainara Del Valle

I won't go off on a rampage (although I could.) But please, be environmentally conscious -- and not just for today. You live here. I live here. My friends live here. Hopefully my kids will live here.

Let's try to keep it nice.