March 29, 2011

square one

So, I finally figured out why I hate looking for jobs so much... Are you ready for this? It's because I don't want a job.

(Um, duh!) What I want is a home and a husband and babies. I want to sit and write and make pretty things and take care of my family and never have to go to work again! Ugh. Who exactly do I need to talk to, to make this happen??

If I do have to work, I wish I could at least find a job that I don't hate. My "dream job" -- which I applied for recently and (for once in my life) was really quite confident that I was going to get -- has fallen through. They picked someone else. I was looking forward to it so much, and it's just gone. I feel like I am right back at square one again. Everything seems so very bleak.

I don't want to look anymore. I don't want to try.
I want to just lay down and not get up for a long long time.


  1. hang in there does look up.

  2. That doesn't really mean anything to me right now, but I appreciate the sentiment.

  3. I am so sorry. But you have to keep trying. Kaiser is very senority driven and a per diem person may have gotten the position. Honestly if I were you I would apply for a per diem job with Kaiser just to get in. Take ANYTHING. Then you will start to build senority which matters ALOT there. But sitting down and giving up is not an option for you any more. You know that. Something my mom always tells me when I feel that way is this, "You have been through so much how can you say you can't do any more?". It pisses me off at the moment cause its NOT what I want to hear. I want to cry and feel sorry for myself and I feel like no one else understands. But really in the long run Vera, you are your own worst enemy. Cry, feel bad, drink some tea, write, then get up and keep going. Life is a bowl of cherries and sometimes all you get are the pits. But sometimes you get a ripe delicious cherry or two, and you remember why you wanted that darn bowl in the first place. Sometimes if we are looking so hard for something it makes it that much harder. Try to loosen up a bit and let life happen and enjoy only happens once.

  4. And that's ok that it doesn't mean anything. I just appreciate your honesty.