November 21, 2010

failure and forced optimism

Well. I've decided to bow out of NaNoWriMo. You have no idea how difficult it is to say that, or what a failure I feel like. However, it is kicking my ass, and I am quickly running out of ass to be kicked. I have so many other things going on; I'm afraid I overcomitted. Again. Surprise!

My overcommittment is causing me to fail at other, more urgent things, so I've decided to cut my losses. I have written over 20,000 words, which is none too shabby; but it is less than half of the goal and I am not going to make the deadline at this point, so I am giving up. Much as it hurt to come to the decision to admit defeat, it actually feels really freeing now, to say that. I give up. I very much wanted the bragging rights that come with finishing this challenge, but it just didn't work out that way. Maybe next year, or the year after that. Or maybe never. It might never be the right fit for me, and I will have to forgive myself for that. *sigh*

Speaking of forgiving myself. I have so much sewing to do, which I can't start on because I got really overwhelmed at the fabric store last time I went, and then left in a rush, so I don't have all my materials yet. That means I have to find the time to go back and get the rest of the stuff I need, and it frustrates me to no end that I couldn't just get it done before. Also yesterday I probably should have gone in and picked up a few extra hours at work but I didn't, and this morning I handled a situation with my cousin badly. Or not badly, but not as well as I wish I could have. I feel like I'm failing left and right.

I am trying to convince myself that it's okay, that it just means I need to let some stuff go. That I can't do everything well at the same time, and no one expects me to (anymore) except for me. I am the only boss! And I need to lighten up.

A little reminder to be nice to myself today:

PS: ENTER MY GIVEAWAY! Winner will be announced November 30th.

1 comment:

  1. It is hard to remember for me as well that the only person who gets a vote in my decisions is me. I control where I give my power. GOOOD FOR YOU TO KNOW YOUR ABILITIES! Taking care of ourselves is no easy job, and guarding our sanity the most important one out there.

    I love your daily reminder. I'm getting my next tattoo in the same's going to say one word: Heal.

    Hang in there, sweet friend. You are the farthest thing from a failure. NaNoWriMo will be there in the future.