Yes, I am aware that January's posts consisted pretty much entirely of griping.

If you look carefully, you will find that I never promised not to be One Of Those People. (At least as far as pregnancy is concerned).  Thanks for bearing with me, if you're still here.

oh no why are you crying

Because I'm scared and I love you and you're so nice.

damage control

V: I should have quit last week, I feel like I'm just dropping the ball at every turn and I'm so overwhelmed.
P: Well, you have one more week left.
V: *obvious despair and anguish*
P: I mean you have another whole week to get everything back on track, and feel good about leaving. Right? And then you're done and after that all you have to think about is the baby.

Somehow when he says "one more week" it sounds way more optimistic and hope-filled than when I say it.

a hot mess

It's not even lunchtime and I've already cried three times today, twice because I feel like I'm failing at work and I have no idea how or why I'm still trying to do my job at this point, and again because I knocked a glass off my counter this morning and it shattered into a million billion tiny shards across every inch of my kitchen floor and it is still there because Swiffers don't work on glass and all I have to use is a hand broom but I can't even reach the floor to clean it up properly so it is still a war zone in there. I want to go back to bed forever. I feel like an idiot for saying I could work this long, I don't know what I'm doing. I thought I was pretty well over my hyperdeveloped need to please authority but apparently not far enough because here I am and I can't think of literally any other reason for it. I should have quit last week while I was still mostly human. Annnd I'm on the verge of crying again. Ok, rant over./

Carry on.

but who's counting

10 more days until maternity leave officially begins.

*grumble*sniffle*mumble*whimper*cough*

Feeling kinda pitiful over here with the cold. that. will. not. die.
Can I go home now? Like, forever?

hello

Well it is finally the new year which is a huge relief. We had lots of fun celebrating (dinner, friends, dancing, and fireworks in San Francisco). At midnight as we were all exchanging hugs a friend patted my belly and said, "Happy New Year to you too, Baby! It's going to be a big year!" Oh my yes. The biggest, for all of us.

January means my maternity leave is within reach and baby's birthday is right around the corner. I am completely exhausted, and every part of my body hurts. I'm more anxious about having everything ready for him than I am about labor or what happens after, though that may catch up with me in due course. For now I am just looking forward to being at home for a couple of weeks before life turns upside down, and finally having a chance to (slowly but surely) get all the clothes washed and all the new stuff put away and his quilt completed and so on, without stressing about anything else. And trying to rest while I still can.

Speaking of rest, time to collapse for an hour or two and then wake up and not be able to go back to sleep for another hour or two on and off for the rest of the night. Pregnancy, woo!

happy new year

merry christmas

We had a nice time with Phil's family for Christmas and will spend Sunday celebrating again with mine. Still deciding what to do for NYE. I've had a cold so it will depend on how I feel, but it doesn't really matter to me what we do as long as we're together. Hope you enjoy the last few days of 2013! See you on the other side. xoxo

I'll eat you up I love you so

Yesterday I got out of work a little early so I had some time to myself at home. I decided to take stock of what I had so far for Christmas gifts, see what I still needed, and start wrapping the things that were ready. I had to take a break because sitting on the floor is no treat these days (plus baby hates it when I lean forward and take up any of his coveted room) so I moved to the arm chair to lean back for a bit and the baby was wiggling around like crazy and making my belly jump all over the place, and I was wishing he was out so I could see him better, and wrangle his flailing little arms and legs and kiss him all up. And for the very first time I felt just pure mushy loviness at the idea of him being here finally, with no trepidation or anxiety even faintly tingeing it, and I have to say it was such a huge relief to realize it afterward. That I could be just happy and excited, and not at all afraid, even if only briefly. There is hope.