Love you, miss you, wish that I could kiss you.
Happy Birthday, Noah.
August 31, 2012
August 30, 2012
August 28, 2012
remembering forgetting
They are not very important, and they are the most important. Nothing has ever been so important. But why should anyone remember, except for me? Why should anyone be remembered, who is not here anymore, who is not right in front of your face right now?
I remember, but not because I should. I remember because it is a thing that happened, and remembering is a thing that humans do. There is no moral attached. There is no redeeming, no higher connotation to remembering. We do it because we do it.
You can't remember something unless you forgot it for a moment. We forget the things that are not right in front of our faces. And sometimes we even forget those things too.
I remember, but not because I should. I remember because it is a thing that happened, and remembering is a thing that humans do. There is no moral attached. There is no redeeming, no higher connotation to remembering. We do it because we do it.
You can't remember something unless you forgot it for a moment. We forget the things that are not right in front of our faces. And sometimes we even forget those things too.
August 25, 2012
August 19, 2012
August 15, 2012
surprise/delight
So, I'm seeing someone again. I honestly wasn't expecting to meet such a great guy this soon. But I did. I thought it might take forever and all it took was a few easy dates. Which threw me, at first. Made me leery of the whole thing. Made me wonder if I was just rebounding, if I might hurt someone the way I was so recently hurt, if I was just kidding myself. But I wasn't, and I'm not, and I got over it. And I'm happy.
Maybe it will last 2 months, or 2 years, or 20. I don't know. But I like him, and he likes me. So, here we are. For now. And since now is all we can be anything close to sure of anyway, it is perfectly all right with me.
Maybe it will last 2 months, or 2 years, or 20. I don't know. But I like him, and he likes me. So, here we are. For now. And since now is all we can be anything close to sure of anyway, it is perfectly all right with me.
August 13, 2012
the laundry list
nice/kind
polite to strangers
affectionate (physical)
affectionate (verbal)
likes kids
good job
financially responsible
not prudish
funny, good sense of humor
easy to talk to
good looking/attractive
some shared interests
differing perspective
open minded
communicates
independent, not needy
spiritual but not religious
stable family, well-adjusted
proactive
at least as tall as me
good kisser, etc
clean, neatly dressed, smells nice
willing to drive some/most of the time
calm, steady, no temper tantrums
clearly crazy about me
polite to strangers
affectionate (physical)
affectionate (verbal)
likes kids
good job
financially responsible
not prudish
funny, good sense of humor
easy to talk to
good looking/attractive
some shared interests
differing perspective
open minded
communicates
independent, not needy
spiritual but not religious
stable family, well-adjusted
proactive
at least as tall as me
good kisser, etc
clean, neatly dressed, smells nice
willing to drive some/most of the time
calm, steady, no temper tantrums
clearly crazy about me
August 9, 2012
fish fingers & custard
Last weekend I felt underwhelmed and overtired so I stayed at home and lay on the couch and ate cinnamon rolls and watched Dr. Who on Netflix and finally just took a day off from everything. Also I made this print, which I had been meaning to do for awhile:
It makes me giggle. I'll be moving in mid-September and I can't wait to hang it in my new kitchen. It will be lovely to get all set up in my very own place again, surrounded by things that make me happy.
August 6, 2012
stomp stomp, roar
I feel like I didn't do anything today except overstep boundaries in every direction. Though perhaps that's not such a bad thing. I can promise it was not done with ill intent. And perhaps any movement, even movement that takes me directly over others' toes, is better than none.
Still I feel prickly and sharp and yet oddly, unfamiliarly, justified.
Go on, tell me I was wrong. I dare you.
I think if I saw my mother right now I would slap her face. Normally I would just hide, or cry. I think I might never get married, and the thought suddenly makes me feel free instead of afraid. I don't want to be a lawyer, not even a little bit; but it excites me to consider taking on the challenge of the bar exam. Go figure!
What a strange day. What a strange time.
Hello there, Me.
It's so nice to finally meet you.
Still I feel prickly and sharp and yet oddly, unfamiliarly, justified.
Go on, tell me I was wrong. I dare you.
I think if I saw my mother right now I would slap her face. Normally I would just hide, or cry. I think I might never get married, and the thought suddenly makes me feel free instead of afraid. I don't want to be a lawyer, not even a little bit; but it excites me to consider taking on the challenge of the bar exam. Go figure!
What a strange day. What a strange time.
Hello there, Me.
It's so nice to finally meet you.
August 3, 2012
August 2, 2012
short sentences
I'm thinking in
short sentences, in
fragments and half-thoughts again and
it's difficult to concentrate but I think
I'll go home and
run, and walk the dog
and take a shower and
clean up the kitchen a little
I guess I'll
throw away the empty bottles
and wash the plates and wonder again
whether or not I'm
broken, although
I suppose even thinking
of doing all these
things might prove I'm not as broken
as I once was, if I can
run, if I can remember about
a dog, if
I can clean things up and think
at the same time then
I am doing better than I was
two years ago, for sure
and maybe I'll be even better
two years from
now,
who knows.
short sentences, in
fragments and half-thoughts again and
it's difficult to concentrate but I think
I'll go home and
run, and walk the dog
and take a shower and
clean up the kitchen a little
I guess I'll
throw away the empty bottles
and wash the plates and wonder again
whether or not I'm
broken, although
I suppose even thinking
of doing all these
things might prove I'm not as broken
as I once was, if I can
run, if I can remember about
a dog, if
I can clean things up and think
at the same time then
I am doing better than I was
two years ago, for sure
and maybe I'll be even better
two years from
now,
who knows.
August 1, 2012
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