February 24, 2011


Thinking today about future kids I hopefully maybe someday will have. Went, in my mind, further than I usually would go. Ballet lessons. Birthday parties. Baseball games. Holidays and vacations. A good man by my side. Longtime friends, and carefully hand-picked family, sharing life with us. Children who understand early on that just because you've never met someone, it doesn't mean they don't belong to you; children who will say "Ailis" and "Noah" out loud -- and smile. Little girls with strong spirits and unfathomable eyes, little boys slow to anger and quick to love. Family as I'd always hoped it could be: united, whole. Bound to one another not just by blood, but by love and trust and choice.

Fierce, I think. My family will be fierce, in the best possible way.

The word resonates pleasantly for me. I think of strength and beauty and passion, of people who own their power. Children so loved they are never afraid to speak truth. Children who know when something is not right, and won't go quietly to their doom. I can teach this. I know I can. I can do for someone else what I wish had been done for me.


These are fragile dreams, tenuous as soap bubbles; but without them... Without them, I am lost.


  1. This is beautiful. And I love your use of the word fierce to describe your future family, and I believe it applies to your current family - the babies you have lost. They are fierce, along with their mama. I hope I can embrace that with my own family.


  2. Thank you! I'm pretty sure you're doing better than you think. ♥

  3. Soooo well written. I hope you'll get your little ones. I'll be praying for you every day. It's amazing what blessings can come. My little boy died and six years later we had another little boy on my husband's birthday. I thank God that He gave us a healthy boy. That kid is spoiled beyond anything, but I'm just so happy he's here. I think God watches out for all of us, even when we don't realize He's still there.

    I'm here from the hop.