Now he only eats goldfish crackers.
Oh, and leaves.
October 29, 2014
October 15, 2014
things my son wants to eat
1. Whatever mommy is eating: Like, literally, no no no mama I want that take it out of your mouth and give it to me oh here let me help you I will just take it out myself.
2. Whatever mommy is eating, but placed directly into his hand or on his tray or in his own bowl or on his spoon. Please do NOT get the desired placement incorrect.
3. Floor food: Snacks that were previously rejected from the lofty position of the high chair but now seem appetizing again on the floor. It's all about perspective, apparently.
4. Electronics
5. Books
6. Whatever daddy is eating
7. Breastmilk
8. Baby approved snacks, one flavor at a time in order of preference: All the yogurt drops, then all the goldfish, then all the peaches, etc. Depending on level of hunger, less desired items may be dropped/flung to the floor. (For later reconsideration, if I am not fast enough, as mentioned above.)
9. Imported European baby formula that takes 2-5 weeks to get here and so sometimes has to be supplemented with domestic formula that makes him wonder if we really love him at all and what kind of life is this?
10. Lovingly crafted organic fruit and vegetable purees
2. Whatever mommy is eating, but placed directly into his hand or on his tray or in his own bowl or on his spoon. Please do NOT get the desired placement incorrect.
3. Floor food: Snacks that were previously rejected from the lofty position of the high chair but now seem appetizing again on the floor. It's all about perspective, apparently.
4. Electronics
5. Books
6. Whatever daddy is eating
7. Breastmilk
8. Baby approved snacks, one flavor at a time in order of preference: All the yogurt drops, then all the goldfish, then all the peaches, etc. Depending on level of hunger, less desired items may be dropped/flung to the floor. (For later reconsideration, if I am not fast enough, as mentioned above.)
9. Imported European baby formula that takes 2-5 weeks to get here and so sometimes has to be supplemented with domestic formula that makes him wonder if we really love him at all and what kind of life is this?
10. Lovingly crafted organic fruit and vegetable purees
October 14, 2014
where did you even find that pretzel?!
My son, everyone. The orally fixated detective.
Seriously though, we haven't had pretzels in the house in like, three months. And I keep this place pretty clean. Honest. At least he hasn't "found" anything poisonous. Or furry.
UPDATE: Phil had a bag of pretzels in his backpack and must have dropped one:)
Seriously though, we haven't had pretzels in the house in like, three months. And I keep this place pretty clean. Honest. At least he hasn't "found" anything poisonous. Or furry.
UPDATE: Phil had a bag of pretzels in his backpack and must have dropped one:)
October 6, 2014
abridged
Just one lonely post for all of September. Man.
I have opened up a blank page several times and there is just too much to say so I close it again, still blank. That's what happens when you wait so long. Hunter is 8 months old today; time is rocketing by and the days are busy yet somehow so boring, every single one the same. My investment feels invisible most of the time but today he hit himself in the face with a book and charged straight for me, with his new-learned, stilted crawl, head down, tears streaming. His mama-radar finely tuned, always taking him the shortest route. He knows where to go when life hurts. I'm right here, baby. I'm here. He believes I can fix it. Which means I'm doing something right. Thank goodness. It all could have been so different.
Daily life is a grind but there is sweetness in it too. Turning 30 this year has dawned on me slowly, pushing me to refocus, keenly aware of my choices and where they are taking me. It's so easy to let life happen to you. It is not easy to make your life happen.
I am reading a lot of articles these days; ISIS, Syria, feminism, sociology, psychology, presidential candidates, student debt, water shortage, the NFL. It feels good to have opinions about things and lively, educated discussions. For the past year I was in a sort of limbo, dealing with aggregate trauma around my pregnancy and bringing a tiny new human into the world. Now I feel suddenly awake again and it is refreshing and uncomfortable at the same time. But healthy discomfort can breed welcome change and that is what I am going for.
When Hunter was born, my old life ended. I have a new life now. And a squishy belly, and not enough sleep. And something gorgeous and unfathomable and inimitably worth living for. I never knew I could feel this way. I can't explain to you how powerful it is, to live for the first time under the assumption that living is good, that it's the best, that I'd rather not give it up. I fought so hard for so many years. The pure optimism of it boggles my mind. And yet here it is, the life I was fighting for.
I have opened up a blank page several times and there is just too much to say so I close it again, still blank. That's what happens when you wait so long. Hunter is 8 months old today; time is rocketing by and the days are busy yet somehow so boring, every single one the same. My investment feels invisible most of the time but today he hit himself in the face with a book and charged straight for me, with his new-learned, stilted crawl, head down, tears streaming. His mama-radar finely tuned, always taking him the shortest route. He knows where to go when life hurts. I'm right here, baby. I'm here. He believes I can fix it. Which means I'm doing something right. Thank goodness. It all could have been so different.
Daily life is a grind but there is sweetness in it too. Turning 30 this year has dawned on me slowly, pushing me to refocus, keenly aware of my choices and where they are taking me. It's so easy to let life happen to you. It is not easy to make your life happen.
I am reading a lot of articles these days; ISIS, Syria, feminism, sociology, psychology, presidential candidates, student debt, water shortage, the NFL. It feels good to have opinions about things and lively, educated discussions. For the past year I was in a sort of limbo, dealing with aggregate trauma around my pregnancy and bringing a tiny new human into the world. Now I feel suddenly awake again and it is refreshing and uncomfortable at the same time. But healthy discomfort can breed welcome change and that is what I am going for.
When Hunter was born, my old life ended. I have a new life now. And a squishy belly, and not enough sleep. And something gorgeous and unfathomable and inimitably worth living for. I never knew I could feel this way. I can't explain to you how powerful it is, to live for the first time under the assumption that living is good, that it's the best, that I'd rather not give it up. I fought so hard for so many years. The pure optimism of it boggles my mind. And yet here it is, the life I was fighting for.
September 20, 2014
anchor watch
After you have a baby, people will inevitably ask you if you are sleeping at night, because the one thing people know about babies is that babies = no more sleep. Sometimes it is even the very first question. When I say he usually "only" wakes up twice now, they will always exclaim, Oh, that's great, that's not bad at all! To which I very much want to reply, Fuck you, why don't you try it for a year and then tell me how great it is. But instead I just smile wanly and look away because people, you know? People.
August 25, 2014
August 6, 2014
touché
Hunter wants
to fall asleep
in my arms every night now
and once he (finally,
finally) does,
no matter how stinky
he was being before,
he looks so innocent
and perfect and sweet
that I feel like I could
stare at him
forever,
even if
my whole body hurts and
my arm
is going numb.
Your point, baby.
Bravo.
to fall asleep
in my arms every night now
and once he (finally,
finally) does,
no matter how stinky
he was being before,
he looks so innocent
and perfect and sweet
that I feel like I could
stare at him
forever,
even if
my whole body hurts and
my arm
is going numb.
Your point, baby.
Bravo.
August 4, 2014
July 21, 2014
right where I am: 2014
Ailis Evelyn - 7 years, 1 month, 8 days
Noah Griffin - 4 years, 10 months, 21 days
Last time I wrote for this linkup I had no idea that a brand new baby boy had only days before begun making his determined way into my life. Throughout those long months, even as my belly grew and despite his constant movement, I did not really think it was possible until the night I finally held him in my arms, all grey and slimy and completely, utterly calm. Fingers curling and uncurling, as theirs never did, eyes open and alert, as theirs never were.
I marked Lissie's day in my heart only this year, my head and my hands being mostly full of her new brother. I expect Noah's will be the same. A little extra kindness for myself, a little extra softness for those around me. A grateful heart.
I love you, my babies. Always have, always will.
I am homesick for their faces. It would be the greatest gift imaginable to know their voices, to hear them speak just once. To feel their hands in mine. To have patted their backs and smoothed their hair and kissed their cheeks, as I do for their brother. The one who stayed. The one who lived. There are moments when the distinction crushes me, but I am ever resilient.
I am asked all the time if Hunter is my first. Sometimes I hesitate, but I always say yes. I call him Biggest, because he is. They never got to be so big. But it's ok. He is not his brother or his sister, and I don't need him to be. He is himself and he is perfect. He is just exactly right. In my mind's eye, the ghosts of his siblings trail him wherever he goes. And they are just exactly right, too. I know and I believe they know: right now, we are each where we need to be.
Previous years' posts: 2011: part 1, 2011: part 2, 2012, 2013
Join in here: still life with circles
Noah Griffin - 4 years, 10 months, 21 days
Last time I wrote for this linkup I had no idea that a brand new baby boy had only days before begun making his determined way into my life. Throughout those long months, even as my belly grew and despite his constant movement, I did not really think it was possible until the night I finally held him in my arms, all grey and slimy and completely, utterly calm. Fingers curling and uncurling, as theirs never did, eyes open and alert, as theirs never were.
I marked Lissie's day in my heart only this year, my head and my hands being mostly full of her new brother. I expect Noah's will be the same. A little extra kindness for myself, a little extra softness for those around me. A grateful heart.
I love you, my babies. Always have, always will.
I am homesick for their faces. It would be the greatest gift imaginable to know their voices, to hear them speak just once. To feel their hands in mine. To have patted their backs and smoothed their hair and kissed their cheeks, as I do for their brother. The one who stayed. The one who lived. There are moments when the distinction crushes me, but I am ever resilient.
I am asked all the time if Hunter is my first. Sometimes I hesitate, but I always say yes. I call him Biggest, because he is. They never got to be so big. But it's ok. He is not his brother or his sister, and I don't need him to be. He is himself and he is perfect. He is just exactly right. In my mind's eye, the ghosts of his siblings trail him wherever he goes. And they are just exactly right, too. I know and I believe they know: right now, we are each where we need to be.
Previous years' posts: 2011: part 1, 2011: part 2, 2012, 2013
Join in here: still life with circles
July 18, 2014
fake it till you make it
Things were seeming pretty bleak these last few weeks. In retrospect it really comes down to not taking good enough care of myself, and no one else stepping up to encourage me to do so either. Had to struggle through some tough decisions and have a few hard conversations with Phil and lost no little amount of already elusive sleep. Even though not everything is resolved yet, in the meantime I have adopted a full force campaign of Fake It Till You Make It, and I must say, it is working wonders, helping me to slowly shrug off the layers of creeping resentment and despair. I feel so much better. It is amazing what conciously deciding to be positive, optimistic, and affectionate can do for your outlook on life.
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