bring on the wonder

Fly! Fly! Baby, don't cry.

Never let your fear decide your fate.

take me home

I'm screaming to God / would you come and save
what you've either forgot / or you're strengthening
I've finally paid the toll / and its all open road
just trying to find a home / take me home

And if you find the key / would you set me free
if you find the key / would you set me free

take a breath, take it in

A little bit of fizzy sweetness for your afternoon. :)

the stars lean down to kiss you

As many times as I blink / I'll think of you tonight

And I'll forget the world that I knew / But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach / Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear / Oh darling, I wish you were here

one (part i)

Day 1 - a song that reminds you of your child

Reminds me of Lissie:


I only discovered this song recently, but the first time I heard it I immediately thought of my little girl.

At the time (when I was pregnant), I felt so incredibly overwhelmed. I was so emotionally unhealthy, so battered and bruised. Yes, I do believe that I had it in me to be a good mother even then; but oh... it would have been so very hard on us both.

I remember one night, the only night I came out of my denial for long enough to have a vivid memory of doing so. I remember thinking, Oh baby, what are we going to do? I want to be good at this; I want to be able to be everything you need me to be, but I don't know if I can right now. Maybe you should just leave. Maybe you would be better off.

I cannot even describe the guilt I felt for thinking those thoughts, afterward. Even though I had absolutely no control over what happened, I still manage to tell myself all kinds of awful and untrue things. I know in my deepest heart that I only ever wanted what was best for her; and maybe this was it. But what I wouldn't give for an almost-three-year old, fast asleep in my house tonight.

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When I would play my song / You used to sing along / I always seem to forget / How fragile are the very strong

I'm sorry I can't steal you / I'm sorry I can't stay / So I'll put bandaids on your knees / And watch you fly away

I'm sending you away tonight / I'll put you on a bird's strong wing / I'm saving you the best way I know how / I hope again one day to hear you sing

one (part ii)

Reminds me of No-No:


I think this music video must be the reason for the persistent notion I have that Noah died at Christmastime. Even though it was really late summer, I played this so many times that the light displays are permanently linked in my mind with his loss, and continue to make me feel vaguely melancholy whenever I see them.

The way she passes her hands over her stomach at the beginning guts me every single time.

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Look down, the earth below is crumbling / Look up, the stars are all exploding / It's the last day on earth / In my dreams, in my dreams / It's the end of the world / And you've come back to me / In my dreams

Every time anybody speaks your name / I still feel the same / I ache, I ache, I ache inside / I ache, I ache, I ache inside / I ache, I ache, I ache inside / I ache, I ache, I ache inside

somewhere, over the rainbow

Someday I'll wish upon a star, and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow -- why, oh why can't I?