short sentences

I'm thinking in
short sentences, in
fragments and half-thoughts again and
it's difficult to concentrate but I think
I'll go home and
run, and walk the dog
and take a shower and
clean up the kitchen a little
I guess I'll
throw away the empty bottles
and wash the plates and wonder again
whether or not I'm
broken, although
I suppose even thinking
of doing all these
things might prove I'm not as broken
as I once was, if I can
run, if I can remember about
a dog, if
I can clean things up and think
at the same time then
I am doing better than I was
two years ago, for sure
and maybe I'll be even better
two years from
now,
who knows.

hush, hush, shhh

I think I will never have too much of the sound of the wind and the sea.
It reaches me in a way nothing else can.

----------

Not quite sure what's going to happen with S. It's not over yet, but it might be soon. I spent the weekend at the beach to distract myself from the fact that we decided to not speak for a few days, while we think things through.

It's been a really hard week. I don't know if we can bounce back or not. And I was right: it hurts. Even the not knowing hurts a lot. But this is what you open yourself up to, when you let yourself love someone.

I'm obsessing about it, even though I shouldn't. I can't help myself.

Or don't want to.

Either way.

----------

Hush, hush, says the ocean. Shhhh...