one year

Happy Anniversary, my love! Thank you for all of the fun and adventures. This has been the happiest year of my life so far. I can't wait to meet our awesome baby, and start this new chapter with you -- I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.

You are my favorite. I love you. xoxo

little tiger

I miss you, my baby, my darling son. I miss you.
Sweet dreams, my love.

mercy

One month.


Oh, mercy.


I am coming undone.

xoxo

I can't believe it's been four years.
Mama loves you, baby girl. ♥

do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.


Mary E. Frye

the day after the day

A little numb today. Not much appetite. Eating chocolate cake leftover from yesterday's picnic for lunch. Or for tea, I suppose, as it's apparently 3:30 pm.
Time is slipping by with uncommon stealth.

last of days

"The world carries on without you, but nothing remains the same.
I'll be lost without you, until the last of days..."

Dear No-No

Happy unbirthday, Noah-my-Noah. I suppose, where you are, this day is much like any other; but my heart feels especially broken wide open today. I miss you so much, baby.

I read your book the other night, before I went to sleep. I know you would have loved it; and I would willingly have read it to you over and over again, because I love it, too. (Do you remember when I read to you that time, right before you left? I will never forget.) I love you, I love you, I love you. Be well, my darling, and happy, until we meet again.

XOXO - Mommy

PS: Here is the picture I made for you.
Because you were my little tiger, and always will be.

In loving memory of Noah Griffin, August 31, 2009.

But love is born in life, and death cannot end it.

Mette Ivie Harrison, Mira, Mirror

hello, cupcake

I had a little party at the park. The guest of honor coudn't make it, but it was a nice party anyway.


A red-velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing (mommy's favorite), topped with mini M&Ms as a tribute to baby. I'll hold on to the candle for the future; I just wanted something to keep, to remember my remembering day.

happy un-birthday, my love

In Memory of Ailis Evelyn Hadley, June 13th 2010

I drew this for you, Lissie, for your un-birthday. Because I love you. I'm going to share it with Remi and Rosi too, though. I don't think you would mind. You were sweet like that. And still are, I have no doubt. XOXO

Love, Mommy

at a snail's pace

Didn't feel very well today. Found myself moving rather slowly. But I got dressed, still. Ate a nectarine. Bought groceries. Laid in the sun. Argued with Frank. Applied for a job. Chatted with various cousins. Read a magazine. Hugged my aunt. Made a phone call. Cooked pasta. Watched TV.

And despite the mundane quality of it, despite the queasiness and the lack of sleep and limited movement; I felt alive today.

almost

It's almost Lissie's... well, I don't know what you'd call it, really. Because it's not a birthday, exactly. But somehow, for me, it seems less sad to remember her on the day she left, early and unfinished as she was, than on the day she should have arrived, fully formed, perfect and golden and lightly fuzzed as a sun-ripe apricot.

Maybe it's because after all the fantasies and lies I grew up with, it feels better now to embrace what's true, unpleasant or ugly or hard as it may be, than to wish in vain for things to be different. It's true that Ailis isn't here with me today. But she was here, for a little while. I am excited to celebrate her life, and what it meant for mine.

I can see you when I close my eyes, baby girl, and you are so beautiful! You and your someday sisters, heart-breakers and breath-takers, the lot of you. You're like sunshine and raindrops at the same time.

Save a place for me, where you are, okay? I want to sit and hold you for at least a million years.

Love, Mommy