Shouldn't the Breast Pump be as Elegant as an iPhone and as quiet as a Prius by Now? (Article from the New York Times)
I was already thinking about whether I could invent a better breast pump, because they are just so awful, but finding out that they have remained largely unchanged and unimproved for decades is appalling. And they were originally designed by men, give me a frickin' break!
Anyway, I think I may have found a calling.
July 10, 2014
July 7, 2014
rice cereal and existentialism
I thought life was passing quickly before, but nothing makes time seem to pick up speed like watching a baby grow and change right before your eyes. He is so awesome and active and awake to the world.
He started rolling for real-real after I went back to work. He could roll before, but he didn't very much, probably because his big sweet head is too heavy. Though even now he mostly kind of rolls around his head. Like a pinwheel, or like you may have seen a breakdancer do. He likes to sit up, but still falls forward after a second or two. I tell him not to worry, his head is just heavy because he has such a big smart brain. Like mama, Phil adds, smart as well.
I bought Hunter a booster seat last week, where he leans nonchalantly and practices picking up rice snacks. He eats cereal and bananas on the regular, and has tried squash and mangoes and apples and other squishable things. But his favorite food so far is avacado, which makes me oddly happy for reasons I can't explain. He gets super excited about it and makes us laugh. He also tried drinking water out of a plastic cup recently, which he first thought was a funny joke, then decided was a mean one.
I love every single one of his facial expressions, and all of the noises he makes, especially when he surprises himself with a particularly loud squawk. He doesn't really chatter, so it feels special when he tries to talk, like he really wants to communicate something important with you.
He has met so many milestones so suddenly that for a few days I was experiencing some level of panic as my own mortality was made abundantly clear to me by way of his rapid development, and I saw his (and therefore my) whole career as a human playing out as if in fast forward on a movie screen in my mind. All I could think was, Holy shit, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he will be an adult and I will be old and then it will all be over and I don't know what comes next. And then my brain would start melting, like, How the hell am I supposed to deal with the weight of this knowledge? Shit, shit, shitshitshitshitshit, holy fucking shit, no stop no, etc.
Usually I have no fear of death and can rationalize the end of my own existence quite well, but I am so attached to this tiny person and his progress is so easy to see and I care so much about it that it throws many of my complacent attitudes into disarray. I think this is a big part of what we are getting at when we say we wish that babies could stay babies forever. It was easier when I had no strong attachments. There were people I loved very much of course, and who loved me, but I knew they could get on just as well or almost just as well without me if they needed to. My son would not get on just as well without me.
And I actually like being alive most of the time now, too, so there's that.
I have adjusted mentally and am doing better, but it was an uncomfortable bout of insecurity to say the least. Thank goodness our minds are generally good at distracting us when things get too intense. Self preservation and whatnot.
-----
I haven't started his baby book yet (though I did finally purchase one, omg!) so I am using this space to help document his firsts and my personal/parental freak-outs alike. My instagram has also turned into mostly Huntergram since he was born but for the same reason so I am unapologetic.
Seasons, you know?
He started rolling for real-real after I went back to work. He could roll before, but he didn't very much, probably because his big sweet head is too heavy. Though even now he mostly kind of rolls around his head. Like a pinwheel, or like you may have seen a breakdancer do. He likes to sit up, but still falls forward after a second or two. I tell him not to worry, his head is just heavy because he has such a big smart brain. Like mama, Phil adds, smart as well.
I bought Hunter a booster seat last week, where he leans nonchalantly and practices picking up rice snacks. He eats cereal and bananas on the regular, and has tried squash and mangoes and apples and other squishable things. But his favorite food so far is avacado, which makes me oddly happy for reasons I can't explain. He gets super excited about it and makes us laugh. He also tried drinking water out of a plastic cup recently, which he first thought was a funny joke, then decided was a mean one.
I love every single one of his facial expressions, and all of the noises he makes, especially when he surprises himself with a particularly loud squawk. He doesn't really chatter, so it feels special when he tries to talk, like he really wants to communicate something important with you.
He has met so many milestones so suddenly that for a few days I was experiencing some level of panic as my own mortality was made abundantly clear to me by way of his rapid development, and I saw his (and therefore my) whole career as a human playing out as if in fast forward on a movie screen in my mind. All I could think was, Holy shit, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he will be an adult and I will be old and then it will all be over and I don't know what comes next. And then my brain would start melting, like, How the hell am I supposed to deal with the weight of this knowledge? Shit, shit, shitshitshitshitshit, holy fucking shit, no stop no, etc.
Usually I have no fear of death and can rationalize the end of my own existence quite well, but I am so attached to this tiny person and his progress is so easy to see and I care so much about it that it throws many of my complacent attitudes into disarray. I think this is a big part of what we are getting at when we say we wish that babies could stay babies forever. It was easier when I had no strong attachments. There were people I loved very much of course, and who loved me, but I knew they could get on just as well or almost just as well without me if they needed to. My son would not get on just as well without me.
And I actually like being alive most of the time now, too, so there's that.
I have adjusted mentally and am doing better, but it was an uncomfortable bout of insecurity to say the least. Thank goodness our minds are generally good at distracting us when things get too intense. Self preservation and whatnot.
-----
I haven't started his baby book yet (though I did finally purchase one, omg!) so I am using this space to help document his firsts and my personal/parental freak-outs alike. My instagram has also turned into mostly Huntergram since he was born but for the same reason so I am unapologetic.
Seasons, you know?
June 13, 2014
a new life begins
Nothing is simple when you love someone this much. Nothing is neat when you’re this needed. Life doesn’t stop because you’ve given birth. A new life begins and you own it and make it yours.
Jill Scott
June 9, 2014
ghetto fabulous
Today I am really wishing we lived in a family friendly neighborhood, preferably in a nice little house. It would be so nice to put Hunter in his stroller and just go for a walk right outside our front door, instead of schlepping everything to the car and driving at least 10-30 minutes to get anywhere decent. I used to think I didn't care if I ever owned a house, but having a baby has finally changed my mind. Maybe some day.
June 4, 2014
finally, yay!
After 4 weeks of trying... Hunter is finally taking a bottle from Phil! I want to dance and sing but that might distract him so I am just saying, "Good job, you guys! Yay! Great job."
Repeatedly.
Under my breath.
From the safety of the kitchen.
I'm so relieved! Add this to the list of Things You Never Knew You Could Be Excited About.
Repeatedly.
Under my breath.
From the safety of the kitchen.
I'm so relieved! Add this to the list of Things You Never Knew You Could Be Excited About.
June 3, 2014
the color run
On Saturday I ran my first 5k since giving birth. Alannah signed us up for The Color Run back in March as my birthday present, and it's been a great motivation to get out and get moving even when I didn't feel like it. This race was similar to the one we usually do, but put on by a different group. My goal was 45 minutes and we actually finished in 40, which even included a few walking stints to favor my still-loose knees, so I was pleasantly surprised. And I wasn't even sore the next day! Go body, go! You are amazing!
May 28, 2014
many nights to come
Usually if Hunter wakes up during the night he just snuffles and grunts and slobbers on his hands until I pick him up, and usually it's only once, now, if at all. But last night he woke up shrieking, twice. I guess I've gotten spoiled because it was quite a shock to my system and as I staggered over to him and scooped him up, admittedly a bit annoyed and more than a little disorientated, it occurred to me what a big committment this is, Being A Parent. What a long term responsibility. Intellectually I know it but sometimes it really hits me over the head.
He's only going to be this little for so long. He's going to get bigger and his problems and his needs are going to get more complex. Even though eventually we'll all get more sleep, he's still going to wake up in the night sometimes, no matter how old he is. He's going to need me to banish monsters and nightmares and fevers and other things that only come out after dark.
Among other duties, of course. There is the daytime as well.
I quickly shook off my irritation and kissed him on his soft round cheek while he howled hysterically into my ear for no apparent reason. "This too shall pass" is a double-edged sword. The hard times will pass but so will the sweet ones.
My little monkey, my lovie, my snuggle buddy. I'm here, baby. I'm here.
He's only going to be this little for so long. He's going to get bigger and his problems and his needs are going to get more complex. Even though eventually we'll all get more sleep, he's still going to wake up in the night sometimes, no matter how old he is. He's going to need me to banish monsters and nightmares and fevers and other things that only come out after dark.
Among other duties, of course. There is the daytime as well.
I quickly shook off my irritation and kissed him on his soft round cheek while he howled hysterically into my ear for no apparent reason. "This too shall pass" is a double-edged sword. The hard times will pass but so will the sweet ones.
My little monkey, my lovie, my snuggle buddy. I'm here, baby. I'm here.
May 27, 2014
thoughts and questions and shit to say
I am a woman with thoughts and questions and shit to say. I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story — I will. I will speak and share and fuck and love and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it.
Amy Schumer
Full transcript of Amy's speech from the Gloria Awards and Gala can be found here.
May 26, 2014
heavy
Something awful happened a few days ago in Isla Vista, CA and since Phil went to UCSB it strikes a chord with him I guess, so he's had this appalled and morbid fascination with the event and consequently I have heard way more about it than I ever would have wanted. Saturday night before I went to bed I was on Twitter and saw the dramatic outpouring of experiences being shared under #yesallwomen. It was powerful and I'm not sorry I read them but it made me feel sad and vulnerable and it was hard to go to sleep after that.
I mostly follow comedians; some of them got serious, others satirical. Here are some gems from my Twitter feed:
I think the reason this particular crime has had this kind of response was due in part to the disturbing videos the shooter put out beforehand, placing the blame squarely on his victims and describing what he was going to do to them because they didn't think he was as amazing as he did. But above and beyond that, more attention should be drawn to the fact that he purposefully distributed the videos to several people, all of whom who could have done something to stop him. And nothing was done. And people died. And this fucking asshole is getting publicity and even sympathy and it makes me want to scratch my own eyes out and punch a lot of people in the throat and I honestly don't even think I'm overreacting. (If you tell me that I am, you may be added to my throat-punch list.)
Anyway. I've been really agitated the last few days. I don't have the heart to link to the story or the youtube vidoes, but I'm sure they're not hard to find if you feel like you need to see them to understand what I'm talking about. I have more to say but I also have a baby to take care of, so. I guess that's it for now.
I mostly follow comedians; some of them got serious, others satirical. Here are some gems from my Twitter feed:
I don't want women to judge me by the same high standard I use to judge them. That wouldn't be fair at all.
— Mark Leggett ✂︎ ☹ (@markleggett) May 22, 2014Women are still represented as a minority in politics, entertainment & business, even though we are over 1/2 of the population. #YesAllWomen
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) May 24, 2014"Can men really have it all? A family and a career?" Isn't a regular headline. #YesAllWomen
— TaylorAileenHarrison (@goldieharrison) May 25, 2014"I have a boyfriend" is the easiest way to get a man to leave you alone. Because he respects another man more than you. #yesallwomen
— Rylah (@JBRylah) May 25, 2014Because the friendzone is the fictional exile of the entitled. “Sexual partner” is not a woman’s default mode. #yesallwomen
— Harrison Mooney (@HarrisonMooney) May 25, 2014we're trained to avoid stereotypical “abuser” types, but I was only abused by people who were supposed to love & protect me #YesAllWomen
— keply (@keplyq) May 25, 2014Of all the things we're told to be scared of (Muslims, black men in hoodies) nothing terrifies quite like entitled white men #YesAllWomen
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) May 26, 2014"Hey will you wait and make sure I get into my apartment safely?" -Not men.
— Jhon Rules (@JhonRules) May 25, 2014#YesAllWomen because I get asked about my relationship status and my diet before I get asked about my career at a family gathering.
— Rosenasty (@RoseNasty) May 25, 2014Guy I went to high school with asked why I'm not married I was like I don't know why are u gettin drunk in a folding chair life is a mystery
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) May 26, 2014Observations:
1) When people get defensive, it's because it hits too close to home
2) How many men do you know that carry a rape whistle?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 26, 2014I think the reason this particular crime has had this kind of response was due in part to the disturbing videos the shooter put out beforehand, placing the blame squarely on his victims and describing what he was going to do to them because they didn't think he was as amazing as he did. But above and beyond that, more attention should be drawn to the fact that he purposefully distributed the videos to several people, all of whom who could have done something to stop him. And nothing was done. And people died. And this fucking asshole is getting publicity and even sympathy and it makes me want to scratch my own eyes out and punch a lot of people in the throat and I honestly don't even think I'm overreacting. (If you tell me that I am, you may be added to my throat-punch list.)
Anyway. I've been really agitated the last few days. I don't have the heart to link to the story or the youtube vidoes, but I'm sure they're not hard to find if you feel like you need to see them to understand what I'm talking about. I have more to say but I also have a baby to take care of, so. I guess that's it for now.
May 23, 2014
reality check
It can be a little disheartening to see some of the women on blogs and Instagram and whatnot who are new moms and you'd never have known they were even pregnant if you only saw them from behind and then they magically appear to fit right back into their size 2 jeans immediately after giving birth. Obviously our social media feeds are skewed toward bliss and I don't think there is anything wrong with that neccessarily as long as we don't forget it. But I know that the real photos on BabyCenter have made me feel a lot better than the carefully edited photos in my Instagram feed ever do. So. Thought I'd get real with y'all.
This is what my body looks like 3 months postpartum.
I was determined to find regular (non-maternity) jeans and was finally successful. They are size 18 Long and I am equally determined not to attach either a positive or negative emotion to that. All I know is as soon as I put them on I felt almost like my old self again for a minute. I did a little dance for Hunter and told him I felt cute, and he laughed, and it was a good day.
This is what my body looks like 3 months postpartum.
I was determined to find regular (non-maternity) jeans and was finally successful. They are size 18 Long and I am equally determined not to attach either a positive or negative emotion to that. All I know is as soon as I put them on I felt almost like my old self again for a minute. I did a little dance for Hunter and told him I felt cute, and he laughed, and it was a good day.
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