Yes, I am aware that January's posts consisted pretty much entirely of griping.

If you look carefully, you will find that I never promised not to be One Of Those People. (At least as far as pregnancy is concerned).  Thanks for bearing with me, if you're still here.

oh no why are you crying

Because I'm scared and I love you and you're so nice.

damage control

V: I should have quit last week, I feel like I'm just dropping the ball at every turn and I'm so overwhelmed.
P: Well, you have one more week left.
V: *obvious despair and anguish*
P: I mean you have another whole week to get everything back on track, and feel good about leaving. Right? And then you're done and after that all you have to think about is the baby.

Somehow when he says "one more week" it sounds way more optimistic and hope-filled than when I say it.

a hot mess

It's not even lunchtime and I've already cried three times today, twice because I feel like I'm failing at work and I have no idea how or why I'm still trying to do my job at this point, and again because I knocked a glass off my counter this morning and it shattered into a million billion tiny shards across every inch of my kitchen floor and it is still there because Swiffers don't work on glass and all I have to use is a hand broom but I can't even reach the floor to clean it up properly so it is still a war zone in there. I want to go back to bed forever. I feel like an idiot for saying I could work this long, I don't know what I'm doing. I thought I was pretty well over my hyperdeveloped need to please authority but apparently not far enough because here I am and I can't think of literally any other reason for it. I should have quit last week while I was still mostly human. Annnd I'm on the verge of crying again. Ok, rant over./

Carry on.

but who's counting

10 more days until maternity leave officially begins.

*grumble*sniffle*mumble*whimper*cough*

Feeling kinda pitiful over here with the cold. that. will. not. die.
Can I go home now? Like, forever?

hello

Well it is finally the new year which is a huge relief. We had lots of fun celebrating (dinner, friends, dancing, and fireworks in San Francisco). At midnight as we were all exchanging hugs a friend patted my belly and said, "Happy New Year to you too, Baby! It's going to be a big year!" Oh my yes. The biggest, for all of us.

January means my maternity leave is within reach and baby's birthday is right around the corner. I am completely exhausted, and every part of my body hurts. I'm more anxious about having everything ready for him than I am about labor or what happens after, though that may catch up with me in due course. For now I am just looking forward to being at home for a couple of weeks before life turns upside down, and finally having a chance to (slowly but surely) get all the clothes washed and all the new stuff put away and his quilt completed and so on, without stressing about anything else. And trying to rest while I still can.

Speaking of rest, time to collapse for an hour or two and then wake up and not be able to go back to sleep for another hour or two on and off for the rest of the night. Pregnancy, woo!

happy new year