January 13, 2010

Process Letter #1

I thanked you once, for staying. I didn't know then that it was the cowardly thing to do; that a braver man would have seen the harm he was doing, and walked away from us, come what may. You are one of the most selfish people I know. You never put us first; not really, not once. All you cared about was your own comfort, your own pain. You are disgusting to me, and I never want to see you again.

Right now, I still hate you. For all the things you did and didn't do, the way you inflicted pain and grief, the damage you did to my soul. But eventually, I will not even think of you anymore. I am changing my name, I am changing the way I think, and I am changing the way I treat myself. I am separating myself from you in every way I can, severing all connection. YOU should have done it, but you didn't. So I will. I am. I choose a different life, and a different way. New. Apart.

You will not see me anymore. You will not hear my voice. You will never meet my children or watch them play. And it's your fault, not mine. Time is up. I waited my whole life for you, and now I'm done.

So. Goodbye.

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