tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4821454066221757654.post687308855992756961..comments2023-06-05T07:56:49.365-07:00Comments on Fox on the Run: bad dreamvera katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00076775857517689971noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4821454066221757654.post-72374625738407620182010-11-18T15:41:52.639-08:002010-11-18T15:41:52.639-08:00VK--these types of words will always matter more t...VK--these types of words will always matter more than others...because, as you get them out, they will clean out room for words of beauty. You are so damn amazing! Even your dreams point to it. Keep fighting, dear.Journal of Healinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08888880691764691538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4821454066221757654.post-45926202891481551022010-11-17T11:46:46.796-08:002010-11-17T11:46:46.796-08:00Definitely finding a lot of my anger in my dreams....Definitely finding a lot of my anger in my dreams. It's the biggest emotion that is still difficult for me to express outwardly, so it comes up all the time.<br /><br />She didn't just take him back; she never actually left him in the first place. It was all a big lie. I don't blame my grandma, I don't think she knows what to do either... but that doesn't stop it from hurting. The fact remains: she cannot have both of us. And right now she's chosen my mother. I don't hold it against her; I just really wish I had a grandma. That would be nice.<br /><br />The loop I think is my inner analogy for my young adulthood, 18-23. It's complex, but it makes sense to me. <br /><br />As for my mother... When my sister came to me last December, my final hope flickered out. I have never once, since the moment I held my sister crying in my arms, wished for reconciliation with our mother. Other people don't always believe me, but I know that I never want to see her again. At first it made me sad, but I have found that the more distance (literal and figurative) I get from her, the stronger I feel.<br /><br />Thank you for your support, and for helping me get to California. I love you (and E!) and I'm glad that you're my family.vera katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00076775857517689971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4821454066221757654.post-17746710050647413152010-11-17T07:10:35.787-08:002010-11-17T07:10:35.787-08:00I see your anger manifesting in your dreams. I hea...I see your anger manifesting in your dreams. I heard your mom took the greasy crocodile back. Perhaps that is why you are having the dream. In your heart you have to be asking the same question I asked when I heard. Why the fuck would she do that? But to you it has so much more relevance and history. You also have been on a journey to make things right and she is just turning back all the work you have done. Your grandma is feeling like she has to decide between you and her daughter which has to be killing her as well. She has no idea how to deal with this honestly. I truly believe she is at a complete loss as to what is morally right to do at this point. She has to know what is right for you, but the maternal instinct can be VERY strong and your mother was once HER precious baby. Her first born. <br /><br />Your journey around the loop...Maybe you feel like you are spinning your wheels going around and around in circles...for what? Have you figured it out? Where are you going? And why? That is the question we all ask ourselves MANY times in life. At many different points. Perhaps you see the journey as long but feel like no one else does. Like you are alone. <br /><br />At some point you may need to fully let go of your mother. As hard as that may be, she is causing you nothing but pain and she does not seem capable of moving forward and accepting any responsiblity. I am not sure if you have hopes of her ever trying to make amends to you or if that would even matter, but maybe your dream is telling you to leave her behind for good this time and move on with your life without looking back or feeling guilty. And most importantly, you need to find a way to release all the anger inside of you. Its there. <br /><br />You are not a victim. You are a survivor.Alisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07424048331899765071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4821454066221757654.post-49422902200925988302010-11-16T23:49:08.262-08:002010-11-16T23:49:08.262-08:00I wrote over 1500 words today... but they weren...I wrote over 1500 words today... but they weren't part of my novel. Drat.vera katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00076775857517689971noreply@blogger.com